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the Boys are Back in Town


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two black guys pissing off a bridge. first guy sez, "man this waters cold!"

second guy sez, " yeah and it's deep, too!"

A third guy yells from across the river,

"Hey! you mofo's want to get the hell off my dick?

i'm trying to take a leak here!"

 

"my dick's so big i caught a homeless family living under it."

 

come on, people! best dick joke heard here i'm gonna tell on the next talk show i do.

 

T

 

its great to have you back captain :D

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Dear, I've been wondering about that pic ever since you joined!!! :D

 

:lol:

 

Well, it's from a Rammstein video, actually. Love the song, love the video, love the band!

 

Sorry for being off topic here (although: there is a HUGE ~ giggle giggle ~ dick reference in this song/video), but if anyone's interested:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk06_ll_vgo

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone.... ;)

 

 

The song is called "Mein Teil", meaning "my part" and YES, it does mean what you think it does! :lol:

 

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A salesman and a farmer sit in a bar. The salesman laments: "Man, I got problems. Nobody buys a tractor."

The farmer counters: "That's what you call problems? Yesterday I wanted to milk our cow. It knocked me on the head with it's dong, so I tied it up. Before I could continue milking it hit me with it's left hoof, so I tied it to a stake. Before I could sit down again, it hit me with it's right hoof. I tied it to another stake. I got so warmed up doing this, I took my shirt off. And in that moment, my wife came in... Now, if you can convince my wife that I just wanted to milk the cow, I'll buy one of your damn tractors!"

 

well i'd laugh, but cows don't have dongs. jeez.

 

pretty good stuff! this thread is good for a daily chuckle.

 

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

 

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

 

The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

 

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

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A guy walks into a bar and says "I'll have a drink."

 

The bartender says, "Well you'll have to prove you're tough first...and it's got to be creative."

 

So the guy walks out of the bar thinking about what he could do to prove his manliness when he spies an exotic pet store across the street.

 

10 minutes later he walks back into the bar with an alligator. He sets the gator on the bar and pries its mouth open. Then he pulls out his dick and lays it in the gators mouth. He then SLAMS the gator's jaw shut on his dick...not even a flinch.

 

He pries the gators mouth open again and once again SLAMS the mouth closed on his manhood with a quick blow to the top of the gator's jaw.

 

Then he pries the trap open, puts his cock away and turns to his fellow patrons. "NOW, does ANYONE else think they could do that?"

 

Suddenly a little gay dude in the corner cries out "I WILL IF YOU WON'T HIT ME SO HARD!"

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An old Scottish woman and a burly Scottsman were crossing the street from opposite sides one day, when a sudden large gust of wind blew the burly Scottsman's kilt up over his head.

 

The old Scottish woman, trying to make light of the situation, said, "Och... It's a bit airy," as she giggled.

 

The burly Scottsman, miffed by the old woman's candor, responded, "Och!!! What would ya be expectin'??? Feathers maybe???"

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A truck driver thinks his wife is cheating on him while he's away and decides to find out for sure. He goes to his buddy who owns an exotic pet store and asks if he has any REALLY smart parrots.

 

"Sure do" says the owner, "but there's one problem. Poor little guy was born with only one leg and a huge parrot penis, so he uses the penis as a peg leg. Super smart, but I can't sell him. I'll give him to you to help you out."

 

So the truck driver takes the parrot home and sets him up in the living room and goes out on a run.

 

When he gets back, his wife leaves to go to the store and the truck driver begins to interrogate the parrot.

 

"Well, everything was fine for about an hour and then this guy came over." began the parrot.

 

"Then what happened?"

 

"Well, he brought wine and they sat on the couch for a bit drinking."

 

"Then what happened?"

 

"Well, they started kissing and making out."

 

"Then what happened?"

 

"Well, she took off her shirt"

 

"Then what happened?"

 

"Well, he unhooked her bra."

 

"Then what happened?"

 

"Well, he slipped off her skirt."

 

"Then what happened?"

 

"Well, fuck...I don't know."

 

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

 

"I got a boner and fell of my goddamn perch."

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Guy's at a urinal in an airport men's room. Midget walks in and up to the adjacent urinal, which is obviously way to high for the midget to use. Out of curiosity (and breaking every "man rule" of public toilets) the guy peaks over the divider to see how the midget is going to manage this. He's shocked when the midget pulls out a giant, hose like dick and flops it up into the urinal. Stunned, the guy says "I'm sorry, but I'm just in awe of that thing! If I may ask, how big does that get when you're aroused." The midget says, "To tell you the truth, I don't know. Every time I get an erection it draws so much blood that I pass out."

 

 

Linda and I will see you an Tim in San Diego, Tom! We get in on Tuesday morning. Looking forward to a great time!

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  • 2 months later...

I read this in an e-mail the other day:

 

Men are like snowstorms. You never know when they're going to come, how many inches you're going to get, or how long it's going to last.

 

I know, very tame for a penis joke, but thought provoking nonetheless (at least for a woman).

 

 

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  • 9 years later...
On 6/24/2009 at 4:51 AM, Thomas Jane said:

Bring on the dick jokes. just make sure their funny. remember, i have already heard them all, so if dey ain't that funny, keep 'em in yer pants.

ahh, it's good to be back.

TJ !

Bonsoir Monsieur TJ !

Ha ha ha, while looking up the old posts about Dark Country, I found THIS thread.

I laughed a lot, thank you for the spark that lit the fire ...

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Funny this thread should resurface.

We are working on some new RAW merch with a wider reach now and currently Tom, Tim and myself and coming up with the best things to put on the shirts and whilst. Will add to the custom merch sections once the selection of statements, insults, dick jokes an alike have been whittled down. 

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Print it on panties and I'll buy!

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12 minutes ago, Enaira said:

Print it on panties and I'll buy!

Panties line huh, ok i'll see what the brief says. Might be a bit of stretch. Also some of the comments currently might not be your thong.

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Well Overalls its been a weekend of pun. Lots of bloomers filled fun with the chaps. With plenty of knickers britches to go around. 

And thats just the clean stuff! 

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So (just to be serious and boring for a minute - sorry!), will the merch extend beyond clothing this time?  Thinking mugs, mouse mats, teatowels - hell, I’d have a RAW house if it was up to me!!  Ooh - how about a RAW calendar???????????? Pleeeeeeeease!

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42 minutes ago, Geoff said:

Panties line huh, ok i'll see what the brief says. Might be a bit of stretch. Also some of the comments currently might not be your thong.

🤣

Not much stretch needed, or the joke will fall flat on the ground. 

Under the belt jokes belong onto undergarments. Any garments, I mean arguments against that? 

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